Living on Curacao has been pretty interesting the past couple of days. It’s hotter than the actual surface of the sun, there are power outages about 52 times a day and trying to gas up your car is as dangerous as skinny dipping amongst hungry alligators. What makes it even worse though, is seeing how intertwined these variables actually are.

Dave: Oh crap, I’m actually melting! Let me turn on the air conditioning and see if my core temperature will revert back to normal….

* The power goes out at that exact moment *

Dave: Aaaarrggghhhh!!! * pulls out hair *
Dave: Oh, maybe I can go sit in the car and turn the AC on in there…
Dave: Wait, the little amount of gas that is left in the tank is more precious than actual gold! IT NEEDS TO LAST FOREVER!!
Dave: * chews fingers to the bone *

So, with the power situation still being iffy and unstable, I have come up with a few things that you can do to pass the time and keep from going insane.

First, remember that batteries are your friends during times of need. This can be a little dangerous though because batteries will only work in certain situations.

Dave: I don’t need you, stupid electricity. My laptops, the iPhone and the Blackberry have gratuitous amounts of battery life! I will rule the world with reckless abandon!
Wife: You do know that the modem and the router do not run on batteries right?
Dave: WHAT A CRUEL WORLD WE LIVE IN!

When you’re sitting at home without power, it’s a perfect time to catch up on your reading. And by reading I mean opening an actual book and feeling the paper between your fingers. Paper that holds actual ink…..

Wife: Here, read this book. You might actually enjoy it.
Dave: I don’t understand how this works. Why can’t I scroll through it?? Your old fashioned way of life terrifies me!
Wife: Midgets terrify you…..
Dave: Not when they have a beard and are wearing cool vests!

If you’re trying to save some gas and there isn’t much to do around the house, you may want to spend some time in the yard. You can do cool things like admire nature, exercise, wash the car or breathe some real, fresh air.

Dave: * squints *
Dave: What is that odd thing in the sky and why is it bothering me so much?
Wife: That is the sun. You don’t remember it because you have not seen it in years…
Dave: I WANT TO FIGHT IT!

But my favorite thing to do when being deprived of technology and comfort is fantasizing about doing extremely cool things. Here are some of the things I think about when I have nothing to do: Winning a “best actor” Oscar for a once in a lifetime performance, writing the next great novel, solving a big murder mystery while using nothing more than a piece of rope, scoring the winning goal in the World Cup, hitting a walk-off home run in the World Series, shredding the guitar as a member of a Swedish melodic death metal band and doing this amazing standup comedy routine where people actually die of laughter because I’m THAT funny.

My favorite fantasy however is the one where I singlehandedly stop a gang of criminals and foil their evil plans in the process. I’ll be standing in the bank or the tax office and a number of heavily armed men will enter and try to steal a huge amount of money. I then swoop into action and swiftly disarm the one that is closest to me and then proceed to easily take down the rest.

In my fantasy, this all happens in slow motion and a really kick ass metal song will rip in the background. In the end, the crooks go to jail, none of the innocent bystanders are hurt and the prime minister rewards my act of bravery by giving me a crazy amount of cash. I know that in real life I would immediately lay down on the ground while soiling myself, but in my head it tends to play out differently.

If you have more ways of dealing with these tension filled days (without gas and power), I’m all ears…

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