Most people I know make New Year’s resolutions every year. If they succeed is an entirely different story, but at least they have good intentions. I on the other hand try to avoid New Year’s resolutions like the plague and that’s basically because I’m chronically lazy and lack the motivation to do just about anything (as you can see, I tend to do really well in job interviews).

This year however, I tried to mix it up a little. I wasn’t really planning on being adventurous but a conversation with the wife opened the flood gates..

Dave: I’m thirsty…
Wife: What do you want to drink?
Dave: Whatever. Cola, juice, iced-tea, Gatorade…it doesn’t really matter. I could drink goat urine for all I care….
Wife: Why don’t you ever ask me for some water?
Dave: WATER??? I don’t need water. I live off the land!
Wife: Seriously. I don’t think I have ever seen you drinking some plain, regular water. Why is that??
Dave: Because it’s tasteless!! I might as wel be drinking air!!
Wife: That’s it. You are going to start drinking water from now on.
Dave: * holds back tears *
Wife: And we are going to start exercising! For real this time!
Dave: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU????
*chews on foil *

Either way, I decided to step up to the plate and I accepted the challenge like a true warrior…

Dave: So, when do we start exercising?
Wife: What? You are taking me up on my offer??
Dave: I am a world class athlete! My lungs are made from pure steel!
Wife: You can’t even tie your own shoelaces.
Dave: I tie them using nothing other than my manly brain power!
Wife: Ok then. Let’s start it off easy by walking at Caracasbaai. Then we can increase the intensity down the road…
Dave: Pathetic earthling. I WILL OWN YOU!

The very next day we go to Caracasbaai and we start prepping for our brisk walk along the beach. I was wearing my sports attire (looking very sharp) and I was pumped. I was going to walk for five hours straight. I was going to walk so fast that Chinese kids would have seizures. I AM A FINELY TUNED MACHINE!!!

Well, you can guess what happened next. I was gasping pathetically after doing some light stretching and I spent the next 30 minutes pulling various muscles as I tried to walk at a decent pace. Every time the wife would turn around and ask me how I was holding up, I did my best to stop gasping for air and made sure to point out that I am in amazing shape. I’m pretty sure that she bought it as well.

I went to work the next day and I was a wreck. My colleagues – who were all just showing off how many hours they spend doing sports and exercise – noticed that I was close to collapsing.

Colleague: What did you do yesterday Dave? You don’t look so well…..
Dave: I walked…
Colleague: You mean….you did long distance running?
Dave: No. I walked. Like a toddler…
Colleague: You have failed at life.

I could have accepted defeat and thrown in the towel but I’m really going to drink more water from now and I’ll actually do exercise that does not consist of chasing after the neighbor’s cat.

We tend to take for granted that we have insanely awesome drinking water here in Curacao. I mean, you can open your faucet and drink clean, pure water without getting an instant ulcer. Those who have tasted water in the States for example know what I’m talking about. It’s as if you are drinking straight from the Clorox bottle.

And the same goes for something simple like going for a walk, a swim, a jog or a bike ride. I can get in the car, drive for about 4 minutes, find myself at a beach and then proceed to do a healthy activity while you know, BEING ON A TROPICAL BEACH!!! People are willing to pay lots of money for that while we have it here for free (and losers like myself take it for granted).

But not anymore! Like I said, I’m a finely tuned machine and by the end of 2010, I will have done gratuitous amounts of exercise and my resolution will be to stop being so awesome at everything! *

* Not really. I really can’t tie my own shoelaces. I run like a dead sloth. At least the sound of the ocean is nice.